I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
