he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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