she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
