I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
