Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Someone shit on the floor
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
