I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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