Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
