I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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