The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
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