We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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