yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
