And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
