I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
