What a fucking waste of an outfit
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
