It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Please don't give away my fajitas
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
