You work out of a Hotel?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Randomize
