i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize