I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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