then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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