Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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