Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Ketchup is God's man juice
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
