No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
