So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i drank out of a bidet.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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