i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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