I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
