if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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