jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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