You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
