Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
