You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
