need another drink. this is the easiest way
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
