It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
