As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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