I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
you had me at cake vodka
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
