three words: i give head
three words: not that well
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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