I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
