My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
