i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
