When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
