Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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