everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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