operation have a gay friend backfired
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
