SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
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