Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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