I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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