Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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