I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize