Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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