return my video game
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
