You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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