I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
