This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize