I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
