still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
