I am puke
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
my liver is dry heaving
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
