my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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