I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize