rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
