he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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