Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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