the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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