So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
