Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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