So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
