did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
