So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
