i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
