the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
