We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
