i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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