There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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