Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
