Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
