I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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