literally had 100 drinks last night.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Dignity is for republicans.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
