Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
