My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Randomize
