"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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