Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
