think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
