I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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