Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
