Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
