4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
