I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
